Why.. Why... Why??

So today has been one of those days. I have felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. To start off the morning, I was super tired. I had set the alarm to go to the gym. Well guess what. I did not make it. I hit the darn snooze many times, not only giving up going to the gym, but making myself three minutes late to work. Now, in case you do not know, I absolutely despise being late... ANY where! I would rather be thirty minutes early and waiting on everyone else than to be late. Anywho.... Get to work and right off the bat, my boss gets grumpy with me. Well guess what... not a good day for that because I had that same grumpiness going on and wasn't going to sit there and take anyones crap! Lets just say thats not good for business! Day goes on and I just can not get it together. I had soooo much on the brain. First of all, August is soon approaching, which means for me, a whole lot more bills! Ech! I have no idea how I am going to do all that. That also means that Abi will be starting school and there will be no more picking her up at 6:00pm. How in the world am I going to do that?? I lay awake at night trying to figure all this out but I have come up with no solution and its really taking a toll on me. Then there is the D word. Enough said. That will be a whole different blog I am sure. On top of all these horrible thoughts today, out of nowhere I started thinking about all the many blessings I have received over the past few years that I really did not deserve. Here is where the basket case part comes in. I, for a couple hours, was on top of the world. Then who knows what hit me but I was back to thinking about all the things I long for. ... a soul mate...another child... a house... a yard... a career... a life. Then back into the black hole I slip. I am working on all my goals but it is such a long process. Why? Why? Why? I feel like a child sometimes because I wonder that so often. I need to find my faith again and live my life the way I used to. Then I know I would find more satisfaction in all I have and all I do. Why is that such a hard thing to do???